I recently started blogging again after a long hiatus. In fact I had a bunch of blog posts in the works and just hit publish on a couple of them with their original date being mid February, it’s now August.
My year started out so strong and inspiring, I was blogging up a storm and connecting. I even started writing more truthfully with this segment ‘The Art of Slow’, which was a very deep and personal theme of some new directions I wanted to start playing with in my blogging. At first I was a bit worried about what my readers might think of the first Art of Slow piece, it was slightly risqué but 100% me. Vulnerable and a risk but I felt comforted by the new year and Chinese year of the Rooster approaching. Like magic, it was my most engaging post and the feedback received from my readers was the same inspiration and gratitude that I was writing from for them.
Then a storm in my heart and mind collided, a storm that had been brewing for a long time. My partner and I of six years mutually agreed to end our relationship, for the simple yet beautiful reason that everything has a birth and a death, this is the circle of life and we had reached ours. We did not fight, in fact everyone always thought we were the picture perfect couple and in many ways we were. We had a cutesy name that we referred to each other as and were known by as a couple, it marked my personal Instagram and Twitter handles and we somewhat ‘branded’ this cutesy name that I made up one day, it was like our team name or our last name representing both of us. We were content but lacking passion and perhaps had even slowly fallen out of love without even realizing it.
It was a good ending as I am of the mindset that other life changes such as selling a house or changing jobs are always seen as good things and new directions so why can’t a relationship be the same? It doesn’t have to be drama filled, however our ending has been very slow as we get accustomed to this new normal. This year, I’ve had all of life’s changes in a few short months – changed jobs, ended a relationship and moved. Hence, why I haven’t officially sat down to write a blog post, my life has been very consumed.
I had contemplated writing this post as I somewhat wanted to explain my absence and I feel very supported by my blogging community, it’s an odd feeling to feel a little more ‘safe’ sharing this with strangers – and I haven’t really revealed where my life has been to the majority of my friends. I didn’t want to answer their questions, if I want to share with them, then it’s on me as to what I want to share, to whom and when I want to share. I lead a very personal and private life but also am a bit of a free spirit. Through this blog, I have started to let my guard down a bit. Previously, I would never share face photos and now I do only when I feel completely comfortable and doing that one small step has actually been very rewarding to me. It’s an interesting give and take life, this blogging life!
So why am I sharing this all with you now, this very deep and personal part of my life and putting it out there for the whole world to read and even to announce it to those that know me personally? Well, because I am human and do not lead the picture perfect social media life by any means. My blogging community has been one that I’ve felt a lot of support from and I too enjoy engaging with others that I follow and give them my love and support through the screen. Writing has always been a deep love affair for me, something that just comes naturally to me – so I may not want to talk about this in person, but the words are a safe place for me where I feel healed and at peace. In my past life, I most certainly was a rug dealer (if you follow my deep love affair for rugs from far away lands and times past) or a writer of some sort (when I am deep into my writing and everything just flows as it is now, I feel like I’m in another world long, long ago and writing through all my stories that I’ve carried with me). And finally, I wanted to write this piece because my friend Timmie, shared a similar piece on her blogging absence and I resonated with her story and reasons for wanting to share but also not to share. She gave me the inspiration and support needed to give this post a try and here we are, 838 words and counting.
To take us back to the Art of Slow, sometimes our life just needs a pause and a reset and these should never been seen as bad, gossipy or an explanation needed to others. We know what’s good for us and if one chooses to share it, please honour their vulnerability and if they don’t that is their choosing and not yours. Ouch, that sounds a bit harsh but that is my strong willed Taurus coming out and the absolute truth and authenticity. I’ve never wanted this blog to be a fluffy little blog anyways, so here we are. I’ve been laying really low, spending my days in the park or out for quiet walks, not my typical summer lifestyle by any means, but it’s what I’ve been needing.
It has been a couple of hard months for my former partner and I, and we might just be in for the toughest days yet as we really make the big changes. Our break up has been a bit slow in respect to one another and because of the good relationship we did have but we have acknowledged that we were in a bit of a limbo land as I haven’t fully moved out, we still spent time enjoying our weekend brunches together and have personal accounts tied together. I realized this wasn’t fair to either of us, to keep the band-aid on and also to those we wish to start new relationships with. So here we go, after the month of August, which in many tarot and astrological readings provided the guidance for rest, as September arrives, we are ready to make those big changes and everything official.
We’ve both acknowledged what we have learned from one another and what purpose each of us fulfilled in the other. We both acknowledge each other as the best relationship we’ve ever had and who ever takes my place will be treated like a queen or ‘vida’ as he sometimes referred to me as – ‘life’ in Spanish.
Whew, so there it is. And if you made it this far, thank you for reading. I hope I have given you inspiration to lead your most authentic life and that sometimes vulnerability is a beautiful thing. As are endings.
Photo by Mika Haykowsky (us at a Latitude 53 party, I’ve always had a thing with feet pictures and seeing the world through another perspective).